My full story is a sad one. One of which I will not tell here in great detail.
My aim here is to summarise for you just a piece of my lived-experience.
My hope is that it helps bring you hope, to know there is someone who might understand.
Chronic Illness
I have a physical chronic illness called M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) - putting me in Chronic Pain all over my body 24/7 with Severe Fatigue.
I have had this illness for 17 years. During this time, I have been bed-ridden, from age 19 till present.
I have missed out on half my life, being in a prison of immense pain, magnified by multiple mental illnesses.
Mental Illness
ASD / PDA
Autism Spectrum Disorder)
PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance / Persistent Drive for Autonomy)
- Sensory overload and extremely low pain-threshold magnifies my chronic pain.
- Extra brain activity due to excess of neurons.
- Social difficulties.
- Executive Dysfunction.
And alot more...
PTSD
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
From acute traumas including secondary homelessness
CPTSD
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
From long-term emotional abuse since childhood, and from the traumas of the sensitivities of Autism
BPD
Borderline Personality Disorder
One of the most difficult and stigmatised mental illnesses.
Magnified emotions combined with Autism is like BPD on steroids.
The symptoms are too lengthy to name, but all I can describe here, is that the emotional pain is unbearable.
Other traumas:
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
The cause of my CPTSD and BPD. Deep Shame and psychological scarring.
Being kicked out the house - experiencing secondary homelessness
Having moved 4 times in the past 2 years. Alone, with the chronic pain.
Living off welfare
Food parcels, low-income, all with chronic illness and alone.
$2 in my bank account, struggle meals with sensory overload from Autism.
Death of loved ones
The death of my dearest friend.
And the death of my Father due to Cancer.
Severe Isolation, Loneliness, and Deprivation from physical contact (spanning years)
12 years without sexual contact.
Months and years without even a hug., or seeing another person.
Being a Virgin at 35.
Suicidal and Self-Harm Ideation
And the somatic trauma that comes with it.
Psychiatric Hospitals
3 in one year.
Long term Unemployment
The low self-esteem, the despair, and depression.
Being behind in life
Witnessing friends with jobs, partners, families, health and kids.
Living with the stigma of mental illness and chronic illness
And the isolation, abuse, and being misunderstood that comes with it.